Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Bachmann Turns Her Overdrive

The City of San Francisco is considering a proposal that would ban the sale of all pets within city limits.

Democratic party officials think the city is really just making it too easy for Mitt Romney's speech writers.


Residents of the Castro district are defiant:
"You will pry our French Bulldogs from our COLD DEAD HANDS."


Rocker Tom Petty has demanded Michele Bachmann stop using his hit American Girl at campaign rallies - because he doesn't agree with her politics.

He did, however, encourage her to use “Into the Great Wide Open” just as much as she likes.

Monday, June 27, 2011

breast milk spray

Police say a drunk Ohio woman sprayed officers with breast milk when they tried to arrest her.

A spokesperson for public breast-feeding advocate groups called it "a... victory? I guess?"

The officers were upset to be sprayed, but as my mother noted, there are starving children in Africa who would be happy to be sprayed with that milk.

Sadly, the woman was not drunk enough for the officers to get a decent buzz.

The woman was found to have a blood alcohol level of .10, while the arresting officers estimated the milk had about 5%.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

clergy, drunk parents

The Vatican has announced plans to establish a clergy sexual abuse help center.

Secular authorities responded that this seems a fine idea, but noted there is really a more pressing need for a victims of clergy sexual abuse help center.


Children who see their parents drunk are twice as likely to regularly get drunk themselves, a survey of young teenagers has suggested.

Thus the conventional wisdom must be revised: teenagers rebel against everything except getting hammered.

The findings may spell the end of the fledgling 'Take your Daughter to Happy Hour" initiative.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Tennessee law

A new Tennessee law makes it a crime to post an image online that might "frighten, intimidate or cause emotional distress" to someone.

In a related story, hundreds of Tennessee residents are reporting being frightened and intimidated by images depicting gay people, birth control or evolution.


A conservative senator read out a statement in the senate chamber today condemning the actions of page Brigitte DePape, who disrupted the Throne Speech in Parliament Friday.

The page's actions went against everything the senate stands for: not only did she take action in some way, but she was also known to habitually show up for work.