A new coffee shop in Maine features topless male and female staff.
Like Starbucks, they offer coffee and pastries. They have a very different version of "breakfast pairings” though.
A German shepherd named Astro who has been missing from his family for more than nine years is finally home.
The family is overjoyed that the dog they knew only as an adorable puppy has been returned to them as a borderline feral, smelly old dog that needs lots of medical care.
A man in Russia collapsed and died minutes after winning a $4,300 bet with two women that he could complete a 12 hour sex marathon with them.
One of the women told Moscow police: “We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do.”
“And we are definitely not going to star in a porn film based on this event, and it will definitely not be called “the Russian Black Widow Twins’ Orgy to the Death.”
After a 14-year-old boy posing as a policemen drove a squad car and aided in an arrest before being found out, police superintendent said:
“We were very fortunate that a lot of tragic things didn’t happen.”
“because now we still get to make a Nickelodeon movie about it.”
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Jokes: Kissing, smiting, whining, marrying, warlocking
Canada’s decision to legalize gay marriage has paved the way for polygamy to be legal as well, a defense lawyer said Wednesday as the two leaders of rival polygamous communities made their first court appearance.
Huh. I guess it WAS a slippery slope. Sorry, our bad.
NEW YORK - Authorities investigating white powder found in envelopes at the Wall Street Journal newspaper in New York City and Harvard Law School in Massachusetts said it was harmless.
The powder prompted concern until it was revealed to be a routine cocaine delivery.
MEXICO CITY - In Mexico City nearly 40,000 people locked lips to set a new record for the world's largest group kiss.
In an unrelated development, Mexico has set the record for most new herpes cases.
ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is criticizing bloggers and media that she says are perpetuating malicious gossip about her and her children.
“I don’t want my kids brought into this, “ said Palin. “I hate that, almost as much as I hate discussing specific political issues directly relevant to my ability to govern.”
MEXICO CITY - Mexico's self-proclaimed "Grand Warlock" says the United States will pull troops out of Iraq in 2009 and send them to the border with Mexico in an attempt to expand its territory.
They’re going to discover oil in Mexico? That IS outlandish!
Three men with drug debts were kidnapped, held for more than 12 hours, and threatened with death before they were saved by a fire call at a north end apartment complex, Toronto Police say.
The ordeal was almost enough to make some of the men quit scamming drug dealers.
WASHINGTON - Nature turned against an early civilization 3,600 years ago, when researchers say earthquakes and floods, followed by blowing sand, drove away residents of an area that is now in Peru.
I'm not deeply religious, but even to me, that says "smited".
Huh. I guess it WAS a slippery slope. Sorry, our bad.
NEW YORK - Authorities investigating white powder found in envelopes at the Wall Street Journal newspaper in New York City and Harvard Law School in Massachusetts said it was harmless.
The powder prompted concern until it was revealed to be a routine cocaine delivery.
MEXICO CITY - In Mexico City nearly 40,000 people locked lips to set a new record for the world's largest group kiss.
In an unrelated development, Mexico has set the record for most new herpes cases.
ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is criticizing bloggers and media that she says are perpetuating malicious gossip about her and her children.
“I don’t want my kids brought into this, “ said Palin. “I hate that, almost as much as I hate discussing specific political issues directly relevant to my ability to govern.”
MEXICO CITY - Mexico's self-proclaimed "Grand Warlock" says the United States will pull troops out of Iraq in 2009 and send them to the border with Mexico in an attempt to expand its territory.
They’re going to discover oil in Mexico? That IS outlandish!
Three men with drug debts were kidnapped, held for more than 12 hours, and threatened with death before they were saved by a fire call at a north end apartment complex, Toronto Police say.
The ordeal was almost enough to make some of the men quit scamming drug dealers.
WASHINGTON - Nature turned against an early civilization 3,600 years ago, when researchers say earthquakes and floods, followed by blowing sand, drove away residents of an area that is now in Peru.
I'm not deeply religious, but even to me, that says "smited".
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Jokes: ships in space, torture on earth, drug scientists
CIA Director Michael Hayden said in an interview that whether waterboarding is torture is "an uninteresting question for the CIA."
"And if it was interesting to us, we’d torture someone until they told us all about it."
CALGARY - Canada's first astronaut says he's ready for life in cramped conditions that will slowly wear down his body and mind.
Then after that family road trip, he’s going into space!
TRENTON, N.J. – Drug company Pfizer Inc., is laying off up to 800 scientists in its latest effort to refocus and cut overhead
Pfizer is helping to locate jobs for the displaced, and also spearheading experiments to create superheroes to save us from the ranks of mad scientist supervillains these layoffs will no doubt create.
WASHINGTON - The head of NASA says the cost of continuing the life of the space shuttle past next year's planned retirement is $3 billion a year plus extending the risk of a deadly accident.
But buying out the lease at this point would be a real mess.
NASA's new shuttle will not be ready until March 2015, which would mean five years of NASA relying on Russia to get astronauts to the International Space Station.
Yes, that’s right America! Oil is down, the economy’s in the tubes, and now you have to depend on Russia for a lift.
A large fuel oil slick spilled into the Celtic Sea is heading to the coasts of Ireland and Wales.
The spill could enrich the already storied Irish culture, as Irish and Black Irish meet Greasy Black Irish.
A toy fair exhibitor in New York is offering a Bernard Madoff doll, which comes with a hammer to smash it to pieces. The doll retails for $99.95.
$100 seems kind of steep.. wait a sec, are we entirely sure that this toy company isn't owned by a parent company owned by Bernard Madoff?
"And if it was interesting to us, we’d torture someone until they told us all about it."
CALGARY - Canada's first astronaut says he's ready for life in cramped conditions that will slowly wear down his body and mind.
Then after that family road trip, he’s going into space!
TRENTON, N.J. – Drug company Pfizer Inc., is laying off up to 800 scientists in its latest effort to refocus and cut overhead
Pfizer is helping to locate jobs for the displaced, and also spearheading experiments to create superheroes to save us from the ranks of mad scientist supervillains these layoffs will no doubt create.
WASHINGTON - The head of NASA says the cost of continuing the life of the space shuttle past next year's planned retirement is $3 billion a year plus extending the risk of a deadly accident.
But buying out the lease at this point would be a real mess.
NASA's new shuttle will not be ready until March 2015, which would mean five years of NASA relying on Russia to get astronauts to the International Space Station.
Yes, that’s right America! Oil is down, the economy’s in the tubes, and now you have to depend on Russia for a lift.
A large fuel oil slick spilled into the Celtic Sea is heading to the coasts of Ireland and Wales.
The spill could enrich the already storied Irish culture, as Irish and Black Irish meet Greasy Black Irish.
A toy fair exhibitor in New York is offering a Bernard Madoff doll, which comes with a hammer to smash it to pieces. The doll retails for $99.95.
$100 seems kind of steep.. wait a sec, are we entirely sure that this toy company isn't owned by a parent company owned by Bernard Madoff?
Sunday, November 16, 2008
US Moral Stature, a church sex challenge, and sick squirrels
In his first television interview since the election, Barack Obama promised to rebuild his country's "moral stature in the world" by pulling troops out of Iraq, shoring up Afghanistan, and closing Guantanamo Bay.
Ending war and torture is all well and good, just so long as this radical liberal agenda doesn’t lose the Bush administration’s hard-fought gains for America’s moral stature: abstinence programs and preventing gay marriage.
DALLAS - The pastor of a megachurch is challenging married congregants to have sex for seven straight days.
Congregants were enthusiastic about the challenge, until they found out that they had to have sex with their spouses.
Endangered red squirrels in the UK may finally be developing immunity to a disease carried by invasive non-native grey squirrels.
Wait, a British species is nearly annihilated because a foreign species came and spread diseases? Oh, the irony.
Ending war and torture is all well and good, just so long as this radical liberal agenda doesn’t lose the Bush administration’s hard-fought gains for America’s moral stature: abstinence programs and preventing gay marriage.
DALLAS - The pastor of a megachurch is challenging married congregants to have sex for seven straight days.
Congregants were enthusiastic about the challenge, until they found out that they had to have sex with their spouses.
Endangered red squirrels in the UK may finally be developing immunity to a disease carried by invasive non-native grey squirrels.
Wait, a British species is nearly annihilated because a foreign species came and spread diseases? Oh, the irony.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Jokes: human/animal hybrids, dinosaur dances, and nasty bloggers
Geologists say they have discovered prehistoric animal tracks so densely packed on a 3/4-acre site that they’re calling it a “dinosaur dance floor.”
And now we know what next summer’s crappy computer-animated Disney film is going to be about.
LONDON – British government overhauled sensitive science laws to allow scientists to use hybrid animal-human embryos. Also under the new laws: in-vitro fertilization clinics will no longer have to consider the need for a child to have a father when deciding whether to offer treatment to lesbian couples.
Yes, it’s good that they’re finally through debating the role of a father in a child’s life, now that they have to start debating the role of a cow.
NASA administrator Michael Griffin said critics in the media and on anonymous Internet blogs can "chip away" at morale by questioning the motives and ethics of engineers designing a next-generation rocket system.
Okay, I’m no rocket scientist, but even I know that telling anonymous internet bloggers that they have destructive power will not make them stop.
And now we know what next summer’s crappy computer-animated Disney film is going to be about.
LONDON – British government overhauled sensitive science laws to allow scientists to use hybrid animal-human embryos. Also under the new laws: in-vitro fertilization clinics will no longer have to consider the need for a child to have a father when deciding whether to offer treatment to lesbian couples.
Yes, it’s good that they’re finally through debating the role of a father in a child’s life, now that they have to start debating the role of a cow.
NASA administrator Michael Griffin said critics in the media and on anonymous Internet blogs can "chip away" at morale by questioning the motives and ethics of engineers designing a next-generation rocket system.
Okay, I’m no rocket scientist, but even I know that telling anonymous internet bloggers that they have destructive power will not make them stop.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Jokes: knocked-up teens, funky bacteria, and Kim Jong-Il
GLOUCESTER, Mass. - Schools in the Massachusetts city where girls reportedly made a "pregnancy pact" will allow contraceptives to be distributed - with parental consent.
Or, as it will be in another 4 months, grandparental consent.
A previously unknown arsenic-loving bacteria discovered deep in a former mine may provide a way to keep one the toxic mine sites from poisoning lakes and river systems.
That’s bittersweet, to me, because anytime that I’ve encountered bacteria from miners, well, I had to take antibiotics.
SACRAMENTO, Calif. - Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is vetoing a bill to fine motorists $35 for sharing the driver's seat with lapdogs or other animals. Republican Assemblyman Bill Maze introduced the bill, saying the practice is distracting.
Though technically, if the “lapdogs” are really distracting, they'll become “windshield dogs”.
The US and South Korean governments are alleging that Kim Jong Il has suffered a stroke, but North Korea maintains that recently released pictures prove he’s looking healthy and normal.
The US government does concede that in the case of Kim Jong Il, ‘normal-looking’ is relative.
Or, as it will be in another 4 months, grandparental consent.
A previously unknown arsenic-loving bacteria discovered deep in a former mine may provide a way to keep one the toxic mine sites from poisoning lakes and river systems.
That’s bittersweet, to me, because anytime that I’ve encountered bacteria from miners, well, I had to take antibiotics.
SACRAMENTO, Calif. - Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is vetoing a bill to fine motorists $35 for sharing the driver's seat with lapdogs or other animals. Republican Assemblyman Bill Maze introduced the bill, saying the practice is distracting.
Though technically, if the “lapdogs” are really distracting, they'll become “windshield dogs”.
The US and South Korean governments are alleging that Kim Jong Il has suffered a stroke, but North Korea maintains that recently released pictures prove he’s looking healthy and normal.
The US government does concede that in the case of Kim Jong Il, ‘normal-looking’ is relative.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Jokes: Ignoring First Nations, knocking over a 7-11 in a wheelchair, and fighting the scourge of Ladies Night
TORONTO - Aboriginal people have been granted the 102nd spot on a government-sponsored list of 101 things that most define Canada after online respondents pointed out that First Nations people, culture and symbols weren't included in the original tally.
Might seem like an embarrassing oversight, but keep in mind item #26 on the list of that which defines Canada: “Ignoring First Nations people, culture and symbols”.
One beach in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil was the scene of diverse events last Sunday, beginning with a march to honor a patron saint, followed by the World Half Marathon Championship, with Children's Day celebrations at noon, and raucous Gay Pride celebrations in the evening.
The events were successes in their own right, and for a small contingent of fit, Catholic, hard partying gay parents, it was a perfect day.
WASILLA, Alaska – Long before her political rise, Sarah Palin gained local fame as a member of a state championship-winning basketball team.
Though not as well-trained as players from larger schools, Palin was an engaging player, with few specific game plans but a folksy, relatable free throw.
NEW YORK – A judge has thrown out a federal law suit by a man who says that ladies' nights at Manhattan nightclubs discriminate against men by offering women free or discounted admission and drinks.
The man hopes, on behalf of all men, that an appeal will be successful, ladies nights will be no more, and men can be free to enjoy bars unencumbered by those pesky, drunken, horny women.
Dallas police Cpl. Kevin Janse said Friday that a man in a wheelchair, armed with a bat and a knife, successfully robbed a 7-11 of 10 boxes of condoms and an energy drink.
One might wonder why staff did not try harder to stop the man, but I think they were just smart enough to realize that if a man in a wheelchair doesn’t even bother to bring a gun to rob you, he probably knows something you don’t.
WASHINGTON - A small asteroid was headed for a fiery but harmless dive into Earth's atmosphere early Tuesday morning over Africa, astronomers said in a first of its kind advance warning.
“It won’t cause any damage at all,” said scientists, “There’s no people in Africa, right?”
Might seem like an embarrassing oversight, but keep in mind item #26 on the list of that which defines Canada: “Ignoring First Nations people, culture and symbols”.
One beach in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil was the scene of diverse events last Sunday, beginning with a march to honor a patron saint, followed by the World Half Marathon Championship, with Children's Day celebrations at noon, and raucous Gay Pride celebrations in the evening.
The events were successes in their own right, and for a small contingent of fit, Catholic, hard partying gay parents, it was a perfect day.
WASILLA, Alaska – Long before her political rise, Sarah Palin gained local fame as a member of a state championship-winning basketball team.
Though not as well-trained as players from larger schools, Palin was an engaging player, with few specific game plans but a folksy, relatable free throw.
NEW YORK – A judge has thrown out a federal law suit by a man who says that ladies' nights at Manhattan nightclubs discriminate against men by offering women free or discounted admission and drinks.
The man hopes, on behalf of all men, that an appeal will be successful, ladies nights will be no more, and men can be free to enjoy bars unencumbered by those pesky, drunken, horny women.
Dallas police Cpl. Kevin Janse said Friday that a man in a wheelchair, armed with a bat and a knife, successfully robbed a 7-11 of 10 boxes of condoms and an energy drink.
One might wonder why staff did not try harder to stop the man, but I think they were just smart enough to realize that if a man in a wheelchair doesn’t even bother to bring a gun to rob you, he probably knows something you don’t.
WASHINGTON - A small asteroid was headed for a fiery but harmless dive into Earth's atmosphere early Tuesday morning over Africa, astronomers said in a first of its kind advance warning.
“It won’t cause any damage at all,” said scientists, “There’s no people in Africa, right?”
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