The Vatican has announced plans to establish a clergy sexual abuse help center.
Secular authorities responded that this seems a fine idea, but noted there is really a more pressing need for a victims of clergy sexual abuse help center.
Children who see their parents drunk are twice as likely to regularly get drunk themselves, a survey of young teenagers has suggested.
Thus the conventional wisdom must be revised: teenagers rebel against everything except getting hammered.
The findings may spell the end of the fledgling 'Take your Daughter to Happy Hour" initiative.
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