In his first television interview since the election, Barack Obama promised to rebuild his country's "moral stature in the world" by pulling troops out of Iraq, shoring up Afghanistan, and closing Guantanamo Bay.
Ending war and torture is all well and good, just so long as this radical liberal agenda doesn’t lose the Bush administration’s hard-fought gains for America’s moral stature: abstinence programs and preventing gay marriage.
DALLAS - The pastor of a megachurch is challenging married congregants to have sex for seven straight days.
Congregants were enthusiastic about the challenge, until they found out that they had to have sex with their spouses.
Endangered red squirrels in the UK may finally be developing immunity to a disease carried by invasive non-native grey squirrels.
Wait, a British species is nearly annihilated because a foreign species came and spread diseases? Oh, the irony.
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Jokes: knocked-up teens, funky bacteria, and Kim Jong-Il
GLOUCESTER, Mass. - Schools in the Massachusetts city where girls reportedly made a "pregnancy pact" will allow contraceptives to be distributed - with parental consent.
Or, as it will be in another 4 months, grandparental consent.
A previously unknown arsenic-loving bacteria discovered deep in a former mine may provide a way to keep one the toxic mine sites from poisoning lakes and river systems.
That’s bittersweet, to me, because anytime that I’ve encountered bacteria from miners, well, I had to take antibiotics.
SACRAMENTO, Calif. - Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is vetoing a bill to fine motorists $35 for sharing the driver's seat with lapdogs or other animals. Republican Assemblyman Bill Maze introduced the bill, saying the practice is distracting.
Though technically, if the “lapdogs” are really distracting, they'll become “windshield dogs”.
The US and South Korean governments are alleging that Kim Jong Il has suffered a stroke, but North Korea maintains that recently released pictures prove he’s looking healthy and normal.
The US government does concede that in the case of Kim Jong Il, ‘normal-looking’ is relative.
Or, as it will be in another 4 months, grandparental consent.
A previously unknown arsenic-loving bacteria discovered deep in a former mine may provide a way to keep one the toxic mine sites from poisoning lakes and river systems.
That’s bittersweet, to me, because anytime that I’ve encountered bacteria from miners, well, I had to take antibiotics.
SACRAMENTO, Calif. - Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is vetoing a bill to fine motorists $35 for sharing the driver's seat with lapdogs or other animals. Republican Assemblyman Bill Maze introduced the bill, saying the practice is distracting.
Though technically, if the “lapdogs” are really distracting, they'll become “windshield dogs”.
The US and South Korean governments are alleging that Kim Jong Il has suffered a stroke, but North Korea maintains that recently released pictures prove he’s looking healthy and normal.
The US government does concede that in the case of Kim Jong Il, ‘normal-looking’ is relative.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Jokes: Ignoring First Nations, knocking over a 7-11 in a wheelchair, and fighting the scourge of Ladies Night
TORONTO - Aboriginal people have been granted the 102nd spot on a government-sponsored list of 101 things that most define Canada after online respondents pointed out that First Nations people, culture and symbols weren't included in the original tally.
Might seem like an embarrassing oversight, but keep in mind item #26 on the list of that which defines Canada: “Ignoring First Nations people, culture and symbols”.
One beach in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil was the scene of diverse events last Sunday, beginning with a march to honor a patron saint, followed by the World Half Marathon Championship, with Children's Day celebrations at noon, and raucous Gay Pride celebrations in the evening.
The events were successes in their own right, and for a small contingent of fit, Catholic, hard partying gay parents, it was a perfect day.
WASILLA, Alaska – Long before her political rise, Sarah Palin gained local fame as a member of a state championship-winning basketball team.
Though not as well-trained as players from larger schools, Palin was an engaging player, with few specific game plans but a folksy, relatable free throw.
NEW YORK – A judge has thrown out a federal law suit by a man who says that ladies' nights at Manhattan nightclubs discriminate against men by offering women free or discounted admission and drinks.
The man hopes, on behalf of all men, that an appeal will be successful, ladies nights will be no more, and men can be free to enjoy bars unencumbered by those pesky, drunken, horny women.
Dallas police Cpl. Kevin Janse said Friday that a man in a wheelchair, armed with a bat and a knife, successfully robbed a 7-11 of 10 boxes of condoms and an energy drink.
One might wonder why staff did not try harder to stop the man, but I think they were just smart enough to realize that if a man in a wheelchair doesn’t even bother to bring a gun to rob you, he probably knows something you don’t.
WASHINGTON - A small asteroid was headed for a fiery but harmless dive into Earth's atmosphere early Tuesday morning over Africa, astronomers said in a first of its kind advance warning.
“It won’t cause any damage at all,” said scientists, “There’s no people in Africa, right?”
Might seem like an embarrassing oversight, but keep in mind item #26 on the list of that which defines Canada: “Ignoring First Nations people, culture and symbols”.
One beach in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil was the scene of diverse events last Sunday, beginning with a march to honor a patron saint, followed by the World Half Marathon Championship, with Children's Day celebrations at noon, and raucous Gay Pride celebrations in the evening.
The events were successes in their own right, and for a small contingent of fit, Catholic, hard partying gay parents, it was a perfect day.
WASILLA, Alaska – Long before her political rise, Sarah Palin gained local fame as a member of a state championship-winning basketball team.
Though not as well-trained as players from larger schools, Palin was an engaging player, with few specific game plans but a folksy, relatable free throw.
NEW YORK – A judge has thrown out a federal law suit by a man who says that ladies' nights at Manhattan nightclubs discriminate against men by offering women free or discounted admission and drinks.
The man hopes, on behalf of all men, that an appeal will be successful, ladies nights will be no more, and men can be free to enjoy bars unencumbered by those pesky, drunken, horny women.
Dallas police Cpl. Kevin Janse said Friday that a man in a wheelchair, armed with a bat and a knife, successfully robbed a 7-11 of 10 boxes of condoms and an energy drink.
One might wonder why staff did not try harder to stop the man, but I think they were just smart enough to realize that if a man in a wheelchair doesn’t even bother to bring a gun to rob you, he probably knows something you don’t.
WASHINGTON - A small asteroid was headed for a fiery but harmless dive into Earth's atmosphere early Tuesday morning over Africa, astronomers said in a first of its kind advance warning.
“It won’t cause any damage at all,” said scientists, “There’s no people in Africa, right?”
Friday, November 30, 2007
jokes: SatLav!
LONDON - Westminster City Council today launched "SatLav" - a toilet-finding service for cell phone users.
Having used cell phones to find public toilets for years, London’s gay men are once again ahead of the curve.
RCMP officers seized a computer at CBC Manitoba's downtown Winnipeg headquarters last week, but no one is saying why or what sort of content may be on its hard drive.
For years there was only speculation – could this be the proof of an Unfriendly Giant?
LONDON - Richard Leigh, author of the Holy Blood and the Holy Grail, who unsuccessfully sued for plagiarism over The Da Vinci Code, has died.
This guy had a rough last few years on Earth, but it might get worse. Out of the frying pan...
Having used cell phones to find public toilets for years, London’s gay men are once again ahead of the curve.
RCMP officers seized a computer at CBC Manitoba's downtown Winnipeg headquarters last week, but no one is saying why or what sort of content may be on its hard drive.
For years there was only speculation – could this be the proof of an Unfriendly Giant?
LONDON - Richard Leigh, author of the Holy Blood and the Holy Grail, who unsuccessfully sued for plagiarism over The Da Vinci Code, has died.
This guy had a rough last few years on Earth, but it might get worse. Out of the frying pan...
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